I am from oceans and lakes and mountains and woods.

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I am from traveling from one home to the next as vacations come and go.

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I am from boats and barbeques to snowboards and skis, from one spot in New Hampshire to the next.

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I am from brick fireplaces engulfed with flames and storytelling heard from the couch.

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I am from the aroma of Yankee Candles – one from every season in which I've bought my mother for Christmas every year.

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I am from football on Sunday evenings and tables full of each of our favorite foods.

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I am from the color purple filling every inch of my bedroom.

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I am from never letting my toes come out of the end of my comforter.

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I am from Mr. Bunny and Yodels lying ever so graciously upon my bed comforting me late into the night.

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I am from Zack and then Nahla barking every time I walk out the door protecting me, as if I am one of their own.

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I am from Barbie dream houses and soccer balls, ballet shoes and cleats.

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I am from soccer, from basketball, from track & field and more.

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I am from pickup wiffleball games to capture the flag late into the night.

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I am from dimples and butt chins that no one will let me live down.

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I am from a brother who does nothing but love and care for me.

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I am from Sunday dinners with mom and dad, and DJ occasionally stopping by.

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​I am from my mother's apple crisp on a late fall evening before gathering to watch a show.

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​I am from being an athlete, a tomboy and a daddy’s girl my whole life.

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I am from growing up as the only girl around, learning to play tough with the boys.

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​I am from “I love you baby girl.”

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I am from “You are my princess.”

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​I am from a hardworking cop and a loving mother whom both show me right from wrong and how to work for what you want.

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I am from reach for the stars because you’ll always achieve what you strive for.

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​I am from never give up.

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I am from these moments of whom my parents taught me to be.

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But as happy as it all sounds – I am from a bit of fear and trust issues as well.

 

Though my childhood seemed like I was running through daisies in an open field with music playing  - there were moments in which I try to forget.

 

I am from separated parents almost half of my life. Mom living upstairs in her large bedroom and dad living downstairs in the in-law.

 

I am from questioning my five year old self as to why daddy is in the basement all the time and why is mommy always locked in her room with the door closed.

 

I am from trying to fake a smile and asking all of my friends if this type of behavior is normal.

 

Should mommy and daddy be fighting every day? Should they be faking smiles to make me feel better?

 

I am from misperception and distrust. I am from hurt and fake happiness.

 

I am from pretending everything is okay and love is real

 

Elementary school plays, middle school graduation, high school sporting events – pretending to be together

 

From court rooms and judges to lawyers and social services – deciding which home suits me best and how I can adjust to these situations. Nothing made sense.

 

I am from confusion. I am from that day – in May of 2009 – of which I returned home to find my parents holding flowers and sitting together on the couch. Only to find out that divorce was not what they wanted – but that love can grow and change and make the heart even fonder.

 

I am from learning that though people may grow apart – there is always a chance for amendments of the heart.

 

And though I am from trust issues and discomfort – I am from learning that everything works out the way it is meant to be and happiness is the way I decide to remember my childhood.